Spirit Vs. Ego

​Last week I was nervous about a talk I had to give.  The morning of the talk I woke up with a stomachache. Halfway through my early morning meditation it occurred to me that my worry and anxiety over the talk meant I was identifying with my ego, not my Spirit. As soon as this awareness kicked in, my stomachache went away. I held my hand over my belly, the emotional center of our bodies, but also the place from which we make decisions, and summoned Spirit. What one thing do you want me to do today? I asked.  I figured Spirit was going to say give a great talk. But instead, one word came: Connect.

In order for me to connect with others I knew I had to first connect with myself. Not my ego self, which is like a fearful child who needs attention and worries about measuring up. No, I needed to connect with my Spirit self, which is like a wise grandparent who is never in a hurry. My Spirit is gentle, loving, kind and knows exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. Spirit had helped arrange this talk. Spirit knew I was giving it to connect with others, for their good and also for my own. Everything was perfect.

In her book, The Answer is Simple . . . Love Yourself, Live Your Spirit! Sonia Choquette talks about identifying with and living from one’s Spirit versus ego. She says it’s easy to tell which is which. If you’re feeling tense, afraid, nervous, anxious, pressured, or urgent, you’re identified with your ego. If you’re feeling loving, calm, peaceful, and relaxed, you’re identified with Spirit. Our feelings will always let us know which master we’re following—ego or Spirit.

But if you’re like me, you know it can sometimes be difficult to know what you’re feeling. It’s not uncommon for me to move through a busy day successfully completing one task after another, while unaware of what’s taking place inside my mind and body. Many days I’m uptight and anxious without realizing it.

This is why I meditate: to cultivate awareness, slow down, practice compassion, and connect with Spirit. When I start my day this way there’s a decent chance I’ll remember to check in with Spirit throughout the day. When I don’t, my pace is fast and I’m scattered and unaware. Ego loves this. Ego shows up in cowboy boots, shouts, “Yee haw,” and throws its lasso my way, rounding up all my chaos—and I’m caught in its lariat—until I realize I’m not a helpless calf, but a divine being, and it’s up to me to remember. Again and again.