How Do I Want to Be in This World?

​Now, more than ever, I find myself asking this question. For the past few years, my inner guidance has been telling me to slow down, stop fighting, let go, and trust life. As I’ve practiced doing these things, I’ve been liberated from a debilitating anxiety disorder and I’ve experienced greater peace, gratitude, and joy. 

When the impact of the coronavirus first hit California and anxious feelings surfaced, I thought, Oh, no! I’m regressing! But I quickly realized that having traversed my disorder, mostly without medication, I was forced to grasp what anxiety is, how it works, and how to relate to it. You can’t unlearn what you know, so I’m grateful for the hard lessons I absorbed, which today prevent anxious feelings from spiraling into panic, and also help dissolve my anxiety more quickly when it shows up. I wrote about this in my last post.
 
Much of what I’m going to share here was inspired by “Calm & Clarity in a Time of Fear,” a free Pransky & Associates webinar, offered by Erika Bugbee of Erika Bugbee Global Coaching. These folks are an excellent resource for all things related to mental health and well-being. I was grateful to be on that call last Friday, March 20th with over a hundred other people!
 
When I consider how I want to be in this world—especially during this crisis—I realize, that (same as always) I have choices. 
 
Here are eight ways I’d like to be in this world. I think of them as practices that develop qualities I intend to embody—now more than ever:

1. Calm. Charles Bukowski’s book title--The Days Run Away Like Wild Horses Over the Hills—is a perfect reminder. Just substitute the word “days” with “your mind.” Don’t let your mind run away like wild horses over the hills! Trust that you’ll handle whatever the future holds.  Focus on what’s happening now. We’ve all handled big, scary things we didn’t expect. Rather than resist what’s happening in the moment, meet your feelings with love and compassion. Stop trying to solve your problem, and look elsewhere. This may feel like denial, but when you stop worrying, you quiet (free) your mind. This brings a lighter feeling, and from this place solutions naturally arise and you’re much better prepared to deal with challenges. If you are more interested in maintaining calm than getting answers, and if you can trust that in a calm state, answers will arise, you’ll be happier and healthier.

 

1. Morale. During World War II when professional baseball players were leaving the game to sign up for the army and the sport was being played by second-tier players, some folks thought it should be shut down. But Teddy Roosevelt, knowing how important diversions were, said, “We have to keep baseball.” Good leaders have always understood the importance of keeping up morale. We must do this for ourselves, and for others. So while diversions might seem superficial, they’re welcome respites that clear the mind and ultimately help us handle challenges more gracefully. 

 

1. Creativity. Author Maxine Hong Kingston once wrote, “In a time of destruction, create something.” Whether we realize it or not, we are all creators. Making something is deeply satisfying. It requires our full attention. It heals our pain. It invites expansion and growth. It brings new life. We are, after all, still alive. Why not tap into that aliveness right now?

 

1. Patience. Leave your uncertainty alone. Don’t go rooting around for answers you can’t find. Park your uncertainty in a lot and just let it be. This may seem counterintuitive, but it’ll prevent you from spinning your wheels. Wait for clarity. It may not feel easy, but it’s a simple instruction. Answers come incrementally, piece-by-piece, and patience reinforces calm.

 

1. Humility. If you’re like me, you’re unsure about things. Over this past week, I’ve been uncertain about basic protocol. I’ve asked questions such as, “Am I prepared? How often and to what degree do I need to clean and disinfect my home? How much food is enough to get us through a couple weeks if none of us can leave the house? How can I be of service to others?” As much as I want answers right away, I can’t always have them, so I have to be humble enough to say, “I don’t know.” I have to get out my “I-don’t-know” stamp, resist the urge to pressure myself for an answer, and give my mind a chance to get clear and to give myself space to breathe.

 

1. Faith. This is less about religion and more about our shared humanity. We are a resilient species. Even during times when we have more questions than answers, we find our way. We do our best work in the present moment. Trust life. It’s brought you this far. We have been through hardships and come out the other side. One of the great things about clearing your mind versus ruminating over your troubles is that you create space for deep wisdom to surface. You get out of your own way and open to a larger intelligence, which brings fresh thinking. When we release worries, answers arise naturally from this place of deep knowing. 

 

1. Surrender. This word sometimes has a negative connotation in our culture. It’s often interpreted as giving up. But surrender only entails  giving up those things over which we have no control. When we do this, we lighten our load and experience more hope, enthusiasm, creativity, and joy. It frees us to focus on what we can control, such as how we choose to respond in any given moment.

 

1. Growth. When the coronavirus showed up in California, my husband ventured out for groceries. Our list was on our Notes app on our phones. Two hours later, he hadn’t come home and I noticed that nothing had been crossed off our list. When he returned home, I was incredulous. “You didn’t get anything from our list?” I asked. He shook his head as he pulled groceries from bags. At first it was disconcerting to realize he was unable to find anything on our list. It was odd to see new (different) items. But still, I was profoundly grateful for what we had, and I soon realized that we didn’t need everything I thought we needed. We’ve been enjoying cloth napkins instead of paper, and cleaning with rags instead of paper towels. I wish we’d done this sooner!

 
How I want to be in a world filled with global chaos, illness, economic turmoil, and rampant, unchecked fear is not so very different from how I wanted to be in the pre-coronavirus word. I want to find peace within the chaos. I realize that there’s a whole buffet of feelings I could feast on. Toward that end, I am mindful of what I consume. I try to open up and see what else is available to me right now. Life will be different for a while. But I’m grateful to know that when I lose my bearings, I can step back. I may go in and out of worry and calm, but it’s nice to know that my calm resides within, and I can reach toward it whenever I need it. I suspect that we will all take something valuable from this experience. Every challenge brings a choice: panic or calm. I want to be calm in this world, now more than ever.
 
Mr. Rogers said, “When bad things happen, look for the helpers.” When you let go of your fear, you glimpse another world—a world filled with helpers. This is what I’d like to be in this world. A helper. And this starts with helping myself. 
 
[If you’d like to practice being in the world like this with me, while dipping into your own deep, creative waters, check out my upcoming writing circles. They are supportive, empowering, and fun. Info and registration.]