Recently, in a phone conversation with a friend, I confessed to being anxious and impatient while agents read my book proposal. My friend said, “You’re the essence of what a writer is. I see nothing but blue skies and green lights for you. You’ve demonstrated mastery in terms of manifestation.”
“What?” I asked, struggling to take this in. “Look at what you’ve accomplished this year—you’ve clearly demonstrated an ability to manifest your heart’s desires and make your dreams come true.” My gremlins squirmed, and then muttered that my good fortune had all been a stroke of luck that couldn’t possibly last. But my Wise Self knew better. Deep down I understood that what I’d created had nothing to do with luck, that my external gains were a result of inner growth. This growth came from activities such as meditation, journal writing, affirmations, inspirational reading, and other soul-nurturing practices, including Living Visions. Living Visions are tools to help people manifest what they want in their lives. I was introduced to this technique at the University of Santa Monica and have used it for over five years. This simple but powerful exercise helped me write my poetry book, design my website, plan, pitch, and implement my Scripps College residency, start this blog, and complete my Raw Years book proposal. It has also helped me expand my writing classes, which have tripled in size over the past two years, and build a thriving coaching practice. Here’s how Living Visions work: Think of something you want. Now imagine whatever you want is unfolding exactly the way you’d like it to. Write somebody you love a letter. Make sure this person is someone who believes in you and in your dreams. Someone who genuinely wants the best for you. Tell them what’s happening. Talk best-case scenarios. You are getting exactly what you want. Describe your joyful situation in the present tense with as much detail as possible. Make it at least 50 percent believable, but also really stretch into it. Explore what you want. Be specific. When you’re done, cut the salutation (dear so-and-so) and put this statement at the beginning and end of what you’ve written: “This or something better for the highest good of all concerned.” I write this because I realize I’m not God and cannot see the big picture of my life. Perhaps the Universe has something different—or even larger—in mind for me. I don’t want to limit myself in terms of what I manifest. Also, these words remind me to trust my spiritual source. Knowing I am not alone—that I’m co-creating with a divine partner—empowers me. It also takes the pressure off. I do my part and Spirit does its part. You may be, as I once was, skeptical of this process. But try it and you’ll see more of what you want (and less of what you don’t want) show up in your life. This is a co-creative process and it’s fun, especially if you enjoy writing. Here’s a Living Vision I wrote recently as an example. This Living Vision has to do with my book proposal, The Raw Years: A Midlife Healing Memoir, which, as I mentioned, is being read by agents right now. This vision is more than 50 percent believable. Writing this not only helped me clarify what I want, but when I read it I feel as though I already have it. These feelings are magnetic attractors. My living vision is a prayer, a wish, and a genuine declaration to the universe about what I want and how I’d like to see it unfold--if it’s for the highest good of all concerned. *** Living Vision: Agent THIS OR SOMETHING BETTER FOR THE HIGHEST GOOD OF ALL CONCERNED My agent is impressed with and excited by my proposal and envisions the book and its success clearly. She calls me to offer representation, and we hit it off. We both have strong, positive vibes. My agent has great ideas about where to send the proposal. She is also a good listener, and values my suggestions. My agent is connected with the perfect publishing people, has great relationships with the right editors, and realizes that the timing for this project couldn’t be better. Her enthusiasm for my books is infectious. She negotiates a fast and fabulous deal. My agent is a savvy businesswoman, but is also warm and charming. She is the perfect representative of my work and of me. She resonates with my writing and helps me stretch beyond what I think possible. She maps out new avenues for career expansion and assists me in unexpected ways; she helps me get writing assignments for magazines, points out teaching opportunities, and hooks me up with a terrific publicist. She goes above and beyond the call of duty. My agent thinks about the big picture of my writing and my career. She’s one of my biggest advocates and cheerleaders. She’s loyal, dedicated, responsible, and trustworthy. She represents me with knowledge, grace, and heart, and speaks truth with kindness. My agent is a wonderful advisor, career guide, and friend. We respect and admire each other and work well together. THIS OR SOMETHING BETTER FOR THE HIGHEST GOOD OF ALL CONCERNED *** What are you longing for? What are you creating? Even if you don’t write a Living Vision, writing about your dreams will bring them into focus, and if you act upon them, little-by-little and one step at a time, chances are good you’ll make your dreams come true. If not, at least you’ll know you’ve tried. And trying is all any of us can do. Trying is within our control. The rest—the part to which we must surrender—is mysterious and divine. I’d love to hear your thoughts on manifesting what you want and making your dreams come true. And of course, I’d be happy to answer any questions you might have.
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Remember the three P’s of writing: Passion, Patience, and Persistence? I’ve lived by these P’s for thirty years, but last night I thought of five more, which, like the famous writing P’s, not only apply to all creative expression, but to life itself, the most creative venture of all!
Permission: Saying “Yes” to your creative urges is foundational. I tell my students and clients the need to say “Yes” to their creative expression is like the need to bathe—it has to be done on a regular basis or else one stinks. At least I feel this way. When I’m not creating I’m cranky because I’m denying deep instincts, which are informed by my Soul, my essence. If you’re feeling the urge to express your creativity, don’t question it. Don’t suppress it. Don’t limit or fool yourself by thinking you don’t have enough time, money, or talent. You have no idea how vast and rich you are—how much is possible. Allowing and honoring what needs to come forward is the only way to glimpse your genius. I keep the words “PERMISSION GRANTED” prominently displayed in my office. Don’t wait for somebody else to grant you permission—give it to yourself! Play: Creative expression is fun. Have at it! Splash paint on canvas. Dance in your backyard. Grab a musical instrument and improvise. Scribble words that make no sense. Toss rules out the window. If you’ve forgotten what play feels like, ask your inner child to remind you, or relax and hang out with your kids or somebody else’s kids. Laugh, slow down, and be silly. It may also help to make a list of fun activities you enjoy and post it where you’ll see it. Do at least one fun thing a day. This will lighten your mood and generate playful energy. But the most important thing is not to ask anything of your creative play. Forget outcomes and end results. Suspend judgment. Just play! If it’s not fun, you’re not playing. Process: Everybody’s creative approach is unique. Find what works for you. Go inside. Trust your instincts. What works today may be useless tomorrow. Your process is a living thing, allow it to grow and change. Let it be who it is. Listen to others describe their creative process, but don’t assume what works for them will work for you. Honor impulses and inner urgings. There is no wrong way to create. Accept accidents and serendipitous situations. What you perceive as intrusions or distractions may be brilliant ideas dressed in beggar’s rags. Take everything in. Your whole life is grist for your creative mill. Perspective: My mantra, which hails from the University of Santa Monica, is: There’s no such thing as failure—only opportunities for growth. I love thinking of my life as a great, big classroom filled with lessons. Recently I received an email with a signature message saying the email had been sent from a mobile device, so “please don’t take brevity or typos personally.” Then the message went on to say, “—for that matter, don’t take anything personally—unless you want to suffer.” This is easier said than done, but it’s an attitude worth cultivating. Freeing ourselves from the words, actions, and opinions of others liberates creativity. Pros: For the past seven months I’ve been working with a life coach and a writing coach, and my life has moved forward by leaps and bounds. Never before have I felt so held and supported, so eager, happy, and free to follow my bliss. I cannot overstate the value professional mentorship, guidance, accountability, and support provide. Knowing another pro is in my corner, advising me, cheering me on, and wiping my brow, gives me the gumption, not to fight, but to embrace whatever opponents or obstacles come my way, and see them for what they really are: opportunities to become stronger and wiser. Most coaches have coaches. Experience is the best teacher. In addition to my own writing and teaching, I offer transformational life and writing coaching. I work with non-writers as well as writers of all genres, including film and TV. If you’d like help moving forward on your creative path, contact me. Last week I was nervous about a talk I had to give. The morning of the talk I woke up with a stomachache. Halfway through my early morning meditation it occurred to me that my worry and anxiety over the talk meant I was identifying with my ego, not my Spirit. As soon as this awareness kicked in, my stomachache went away. I held my hand over my belly, the emotional center of our bodies, but also the place from which we make decisions, and summoned Spirit. What one thing do you want me to do today? I asked. I figured Spirit was going to say give a great talk. But instead, one word came: Connect.
In order for me to connect with others I knew I had to first connect with myself. Not my ego self, which is like a fearful child who needs attention and worries about measuring up. No, I needed to connect with my Spirit self, which is like a wise grandparent who is never in a hurry. My Spirit is gentle, loving, kind and knows exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. Spirit had helped arrange this talk. Spirit knew I was giving it to connect with others, for their good and also for my own. Everything was perfect. In her book, The Answer is Simple . . . Love Yourself, Live Your Spirit! Sonia Choquette talks about identifying with and living from one’s Spirit versus ego. She says it’s easy to tell which is which. If you’re feeling tense, afraid, nervous, anxious, pressured, or urgent, you’re identified with your ego. If you’re feeling loving, calm, peaceful, and relaxed, you’re identified with Spirit. Our feelings will always let us know which master we’re following—ego or Spirit. But if you’re like me, you know it can sometimes be difficult to know what you’re feeling. It’s not uncommon for me to move through a busy day successfully completing one task after another, while unaware of what’s taking place inside my mind and body. Many days I’m uptight and anxious without realizing it. This is why I meditate: to cultivate awareness, slow down, practice compassion, and connect with Spirit. When I start my day this way there’s a decent chance I’ll remember to check in with Spirit throughout the day. When I don’t, my pace is fast and I’m scattered and unaware. Ego loves this. Ego shows up in cowboy boots, shouts, “Yee haw,” and throws its lasso my way, rounding up all my chaos—and I’m caught in its lariat—until I realize I’m not a helpless calf, but a divine being, and it’s up to me to remember. Again and again. Gremlins are inner voices that say things like you’re no good or you’re not good enough. They are expert saboteurs and make themselves heard whenever you’re ready to grow, expand, or try something new. Gremlins are preservers of the status quo. They hate change and will do whatever necessary to prevent it. They may be liars, exaggerators, or temper-tantrum throwers—and they will do or say anything to ignite your fear and get you to back down from whatever risk you’re taking, or want to take.
You may not realize your gremlins are manipulating you. I didn’t. For years I didn’t even know I had gremlins. I was unaware of their voices as entities separate from me, as other people’s voices I’d internalized. Instead, I identified with them. I believed my gremlins when they told me I wasn’t good enough, had no talent, and would never fulfill my dreams. Still, I soldiered on because Souls are not easily crushed and mine—like most—was on a mission. I knew what I had to do, but I expressed myself as though I’d been shot in the foot. I hobbled for years while I longed to fly. After half-a-century of seeking, studying, and creating, I am finally soaring. I awaken each day before the sun rises and can’t wait to get out of bed and work. It’s not that my gremlins are gone, but I’ve figured out how to live with them. Most of the time. A couple weeks ago they crept up on me while listening to a critique of a chapter I’m writing for my memoir, The Raw Years. I’d naively thought the chapter, after one revision, was finished. As I listened to what the chapter needed, but didn’t yet have, my gremlins grumbled: You’re not a real writer, you’ll never be good enough, why are you wasting your time, this sucks--you suck! The attack reduced me to tears, and for an hour I felt wounded—until I pulled out my computer journal and let my gremlins rant openly on my laptop screen. Here’s a synopsized glimpse of their tirade: Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for being so stupid? You should know better, be better and do better. If you can’t blow everybody away with how great you are, why try? Mediocrity is repulsive. You are repulsive. Better stop trying. The blog is crap. The book proposal won’t sell. If you write about your family they’ll disown you—and they’re all you’ve got since you have no friends. At one point I laughed out loud at how ridiculous these statements were. I’d never speak to anyone this way—least of all people I hoped to nurture, teach, support, or inspire. Still, I knew my gremlins needed more airtime, as well as compassion, so I initiated an acknowledging conversation with them. Here’s a clip edited for brevity: Bella: I love and respect you and I’m grateful to you because I know you’re trying to help me. Gremlin: That’s right. I’m trying to cover your back. You dream too much. Dreams are dangerous. They set you up for disappointment. Bella: I hear you and know this is scary for you, but dreams are also wonderful. I’m doing what I need to do and I feel supported on many levels by multiple guides—both physical and spiritual. Gremlin: You’re crazy and you suck. You’re not good enough. You have no friends. Bella: I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m just showing up and doing my part. Plenty people think they aren’t god enough—oops, that was a slip! I meant to say good enough, but god works just as well. God resides in all of us. So I don’t think it’s possible for anyone not to be good enough. Miracles happen all the time. Success occurs when preparation meets opportunity. I’ve spent thirty years preparing. Now I’m creating opportunities. If you want a different result you have to try something different, right? Besides, it’s okay if all my dreams don’t come true. I enjoy pursuing them. I understand your fear. It’s okay. I appreciate that you’re trying to protect me. This conversation with my gremlins was very supportive. It reminded me that they do have my best interest at heart, and mean well, but are—like overprotective parents—living in fear. It also helped to think of them as children who haven’t yet learned to control themselves, so they exaggerate, dramatize, and create much ado about nothing because they are afraid. Acknowledgment and reassurance is a more effective coping strategy than ignoring or banishing gremlins. It helps when I think of myself as a loving parent and treat them like I would my children—with love and compassion. It also helps when I ask for Spiritual assistance and trust that Divine Intelligence is working through me. This reassures me to heed my desires. Dreams are the stirrings of the soul. Julia Cameron says we are all in charge of taking steps, but we are not in charge of the outcome—which is up to gods (a term I use loosely), not gremlins. Want to read more about identifying and coping with gremlins? Check out Taming Your Gremlins: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way, by Rick Carson. As always, I invite comments, observations, and musings. I have a recurring dream in which I’ve been on a long journey and it’s time to return home. I cannot fit all my clothes, souvenirs, toiletries and trinkets into my luggage and feel utterly weighed down by my possessions. Meanwhile, the clock is ticking and I’m going to miss my plane or train. I shouldn’t have brought all this stuff, I think. I’ve got seven sweaters where I only needed one!
In a recent variation of this dream terrorists were about to bomb my hotel, and while people evacuated the building I struggled to pack. As usual I’d brought too much. Not only couldn’t my stuff save me, it was holding me back, weighing me down, and in this case, jeopardizing not only my journey and my return home, but my life. This is the kind of dream that can launch me into major spring-cleaning any time of year. I ask, What do I have that I don’t use or need? What can I clear? What’s junk and what’s treasure? How do I create space around me so I can move freely? Do I really need those old Easter baskets I used ten years ago when my daughter was little and haven’t used since? How about those moving boxes from fourteen years ago? Or, as a friend asked recently, “Do I really need ten black T-shirts?” I tell my daughter, “When you let go of the old, you make room for the new—not only that but someone might actually use your old stuff.” But deeper opportunities abound in space clearing, which facilitates light travel through life. Clutter busting can be done mentally and spiritually as well as physically. As you move into the New Year, try asking, What’s holding me back? Is there something I could let go of that would help me travel lighter through my life? A tangible object? A person? A habit? A fear? A behavior pattern or belief? What have I been thinking? Are limiting thoughts lurking beneath the surface? Have I been eating heavy food ? Have I removed every thread of that old I’m-not-good-enough garment from my back? Where and how can I clear, sweep, or tidy my inner, as well as outer, landscapes? As you take down your Christmas tree and/or put away holiday decorations, consider what else you can clear, what you must store, and what you can give away. Why not begin your journey into the New Year with one light, easy-to-pack bag so you can glide through 2012 and experience all the thrills your life’s journey has to offer! Comments? Thoughts? Questions? Leave them here. I’d love to hear from you. Need more motivation, information, inspiration? Check out: Clutter Busting: Letting Go of What’s Holding You Back, by Brooks Palmer Last week, a fellow writer, new to my work, asked: “How did you get up the courage to write such things, reveal yourself so, well, nakedly?” I write what I need to write; trusting that what comes forward is what needs to be said. At times, while writing some of the poems in my book, I wanted to crawl underneath my desk and hide. I resisted that urge by assuring myself I didn’t have to share what I was writing with anybody–I just had to get it on the page. I’ve always resonated with that line from the Gnostic Gospels: if you bring forth what’s inside you, it’ll save you–if you don’t, it’ll destroy you. Writing helps not only save, but transform me. Publishing what I wrote was another story. Throughout the years, I worried not only about what people would think of me, but I also worried my husband might leave me, my friends would hate me, and my parents would disown me. I worried I’d be destitute, homeless, locked up–all sorts of crazy things. I asked the What-will-they-think-of-me question for many years. And then one day, I asked a different question: What do I think of me? So much of what I feared others thought of me reflected deep, inner demons. So I brought light to those gremlins, exposed them, gave myself as much love and compassion as I could. This helped me understand that no part of my experience was shameful, and that I wasn’t a bad person for doing the things I’d done, nor was I an exhibitionist for writing about them. Yes, I wrote about sex, but never with the intention to arouse—I simply wanted to make sense of that important part of my life, and writing about it was the best way for me to do that. When one person bears witness to his or her truth honestly, with integrity and courage, healing takes place not only for the writer, but also for the reader. Most of the feedback I’ve received about my book confirms this. My work isn’t for everyone, but many readers have told me it’s a balm because it gives them permission to accept themselves the way they are, and embrace parts of themselves they never thought they could. I always imagined that by the time I hit 45, I’d have books in the world, so when that magic number came and went, and my manuscripts lay in boxes in the garage, I felt not only that I had failed, but also that I was a failure. This thought created chronic stomach problems, and I thought I was going to die. I resonated deeply with Indian poet, Tagore’s, words: “For years I have been stringing and unstringing my instrument while the song I have come to sing remains unsung.” I hated the idea of leaving this planet without accomplishing what I’d come here to do. But I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be doing. I thought I’d known. I’d thought I was supposed to write books. But since that dream hadn’t materialized, and since I knew I was a bright, capable person, I wondered if I should seek fulfillment elsewhere. I continued scribbling in my journal, but quit writing stories and poems, and addressed my most pressing concern: the pain in my stomach. Instead of taking prescription drugs, I radically changed my diet and became a raw vegan. I then began yoga and meditation practices, found a spiritual community, and earned a degree in Spiritual Psychology from The University of Santa Monica. I learned there is no such thing as failure—only opportunities for growth, that our bodies are wise teachers, and symptoms, a call to action, not only on the physical level, but mentally and spiritually as well. I began, for the first time, to think of myself as a divine being having a human experience. Compassion came with this awareness, along with clarity. I knew I loved writing, and what I loved was my path, so I learned how to release judgments, look fear in the eye, and forgive myself for misunderstandings, such as believing I had failed. Releasing that thought, released me. Having the courage to engage in work I love—no matter what—is its own brand of success. What matters is what I think. What matters is faith, in myself and in the Universe, and in the understanding that my work is unfolding in divine right order. Life is not a contest or a race. It is not a proving ground or a school in which I’m being graded. But it is filled with lessons, so I keep showing up, pencil in hand. |
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